Rick Barnes has been in perception management mode over the last week, recently granting a number of long interviews to various print media and releasing this 17+ minute segment on the Longhorn Network. I don’t know if it’s a full on Save-My-Job-Tour, but I’m guessing a trickle of negative fan sentiment has managed to penetrate the thick, insulated walls of Bellmont aided by the helpful bludgeon of a 16-18 reality trebuchet.

It’s worth your time.

My takeaways:

• The disastrous 2011 class. Barnes blames himself and his staff for bad evaluation and cultural fit with respect to McClellan and Lewis. Pretty much throws them under the bus. I’m open-minded and don’t doubt that both had issues, but the buck still stops in the same place
• Bond got hurt, fell behind younger guys, and left to pursue playing time and to expand his limited offensive game. Kabongo was a mercenary and bought in to the extent that it served his own ambition. He wanted to be a one and done and acted accordingly. Sterling Gibbs obviously was never good enough, which I pointed out within ten minutes of his first playing time here – I don’t fault Barnes here beyond making a bad evaluation
• Demeanor. Barnes struck me as subdued, almost chastened at times, though he’s clearly anxious to put an awful 2012 behind him. I didn’t see the reinvigoration both he and Dunn claim, though. I actually saw a guy still struggling with cause and effect
• Media. Barnes: “Most people that report on this, don’t know the facts.” True. We’re all blind men grasping the elephant. That’s why we have W-L records. Because those facts are irrefutable
• Culture, culture, culture. All of Barnes’ proposed remedies are built on culture, “wanting to be here”, and “player buy-in.” Fair enough. But no mention of rethinking offense or trying to reconsider how Texas fundamentally plays basketball. No new blood in assistant hires. No tangible offerings – it’s all just emotion and “we’re gonna work harder”
• You can’t solve a problem ’til you define it properly. Dunn pressed him on preferred play-style and Barnes seemed to struggle saying much coherent, though he’d like to “get better on defense”
• See above, Part II. When Dunn pressed him – diplomatically – on what specific changes Barnes is making (the blunt follow up: “So what are you doing?”), he responded with some generalities and player anecdotes. I don’t think Rick is obfuscating, I truly don’t believe he’s walked through process, cause and effect, and there’s no one that’s helping him do so
• Expectations for next year? “We want to win every game we play.” Sigh. That’s nice, Rick
• Glue guys vs. NBA guys? Barnes responds again with a cultural fit perspective, but reiterates that he wants the best players possible. Cory Joseph says he wishes he would have stayed in school

In sum, I don’t really see any bullshitting from Barnes – that’s never really been his thing and one of the aspects of his personality I’ve always liked – but I do see evidence of some blind spots that no in his life will call him on. That’s what ADs are for, but DeLoss is an absentee landlord, and his ability to offer coaching/personnel management advice is suspect.

Every coach of a major sport at UT is flailing, but each in a very different way.

By the way, I have a huge admiration for Kevin Dunn for doing his job and holding Barnes to account while also balancing his larger role as a personality on a pro-Longhorn network. He was respectful and fair-minded, but never lobbed softballs, didn’t editorialize, nor did he ever throw Barnes a life preserver. Outstanding work. About as refreshing a piece of television journalism as I’ve seen in some time.

ESPN should call that dude up to the big leagues.

Earl Thomas ranked #66 in a recent 2013 Top 100 Players In the NFL countdown. The back-to-back 2011 and 2012 Pro Bowler repeated his same ranking in the countdown from last season. Earl is one of the most beloved Seahawks on a stout Seattle defense and no Texas fan is likely surprised given that we were able to witness first hand one of the quickest, most instinctive, safeties in Longhorn history.

This is what I wrote about Earl after his freshman year at Texas.

Earl is our best defensive back. He accounted for six turnovers last year (2 ints, 4 ff), 72 tackles, and 17 PBU. He also got better every week. His ability to support the run like a big safety and cover like a corner gives us great flexibility. You can man him up on a slot receiver or let him play center fielder. It’s interesting that the safety imagined to be ideal (OU’s 6-3 220 Nic Harris) by the media and the actual ideal (Earl) are so divergent.

Can’t measure heart, y’all.

The #14 pick in the 2010 draft, the 24 year old Thomas is already a grizzled NFL veteran entering his fourth year in the league. Here’s wishing him more years of success.

Proud of you, Earl. Hook ‘em!

The Longhorn lost their last conference series of the year to TCU this weekend (1-5, 3-9, 3-0), finishing the season dead last in the league, ineligible for the conference tournament, and having set a new standard in offensive futility.

Texas hasn’t seen baseball this bad since 1997 and 1998 – understandable in Augie’s transition from Cliff Gustafson – but then you have to go back fifty seven years to 1956 and Bibb Falk to find another blip that’s comparable. To call this historically bad baseball is not hyperbole.

Texas finishes a full two games behind second-to-last Texas Tech in a depleted Big 12, despite finishing 1st in team pitching compared to the league over the course of the entire season (2.63 season ERA), first in opponent batting average (an excellent .226), and fielding, well, adequately.

The culprit for failure was an anemic Longhorn offense, which hits neither for frequency or bases (a pathetic .341 on base percentage), power (12 total team home runs, .346 slugging percentage), or even in timely (read: lucky) support of Texas pitching.

Remarkably, the Longhorns were 1-17 when trailing after six innings (but 23-2 when leading). That doesn’t inspire a hopeful bullpen.

There are now legitimate questions as to whether the legendary Augie Garrido, now 74 years old, has the flexibility and energy required to restore Texas baseball to prominence.

A prominence he did a great deal to strengthen.

Hook ‘em.

Friday is a big day for Vince Young as he becomes the first member of his family to graduate from college.

The roller coaster ride that Young has been on since leading Texas to the National Championship hits a high spot as family and friends watch him officially awarded his degree in Youth and Community Studies.

For all of the drama (and missteps) his NFL career has encompassed, Young today takes a significant positive step in his life.

The ceremony is more than just a symbol of the classroom work he put in, it is also an example of the maturation of the man. Young told cbssports.com that he wasn’t sure how many family and friends would be on campus, but that number would include his father, who has been out of the picture for almost all of his life.

This maturation process is something Young hopes the NFL will take notice of.

“I’m about to be the first in my family to graduate,” he said. “Just finishing what I started. That’s why I’m trying to get back in the NFL. To finish what I started. That is the type of guy I am. I do work hard–even when the times are good or bad. That’s just how I was raised.”

Young continues to workout, hoping to get another shot at playing pro football. But he also understands that getting his priorities straight is the most important task at hand.

“It’s definitely been a learning experience,” Young said. “I’ve learned, ‘Don’t let things distract you or define who you are — even if you do make a mistake.’ I’m one of those guys who kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Even if I’m not playing football, I wasn’t going to let those mistakes that I did make, define me as a person. I’m 30 now with a wife and family. I’m in a whole other stage in my life now.”

Vince Young – National Champion.

Vince Young – Texas Ex.

First up: we’ve got Aggies!

Bedecked in maroon-ish (alright, crimson) and white, hailing from a desolate locale known primarily for missile testing, populated mainly by scorpions and the lovable mutants in The Hills Have Eyes franchise, prone to in-state mockery. Yep, sounds like Aggies. Though their university president favors Western bolo ties over bow ties. I like the way you rock that so unapologetically, Carruthers.

Bill Connelly of SB Nation and Football Outsiders fame does yeoman’s work in breaking down Mutant Atomic Aggy. Similarly, USA Today also penned a good article previewing the Aggie’s chances. Both previews are well worth your time.

Connelly calls New Mexico State “the worst job in FBS football” and, ever the contrarian, I immediately drew a blank in trying to debate that claim, finally offering a half-hearted mental reply of “Err, maybe, Idaho? Or one of the MAC schools, but which one I can’t remember? Wait, Louisiana-Monroe was good last year, right?”

OK, you win.

I’m not sure what would compel anyone to break down last year’s 1-11 mess in Las Cruces aside from duty and an overwhelming democratic impulse to treat all programs fairly and with sympathy, but I’m going to shamelessly piggyback off of their fine work because researching New Mexico State football online is like trying to find Henry Hill in the white pages.

New Mexico State is really bad. I don’t mean in the respectably bad Wyoming “Hey, those five players are good and the rest of them play hard” sort of way, either.

Last year’s adjusted points per game scoring rank? 112th. Adjusted points per game scoring defense rank? 119th.

Season record? 1-11. Worst loss? A 66-28 finale loss at Texas State, where they laid down completely. Second worst loss? UT San-Antonio, in Las Cruces, 35-14, where they laid down semi-partially. Best win? Their only win! A thrashing of Sacramento State in their season opener, 49-19. You know that post-game locker room was abuzz with bowl talk. Guys talking about lack of respect. Those were heady times.

Needless to say, New Mexico State has a new head coach in Doug Martin. And his bio is quite solid. He also has his hands full.

Offense

Immobile NMSU junior QB Andrew Manley transferred after a respectable 2012 in which he miraculously managed a 18-11 TD:INT ratio and threw for 2764 yards. Martin, sensibly, wants to go to a mobile QB with more spread option and rolling pocket concepts to take the pressure off of poor OL talent and to find creators at QB who can singlehandedly manufacture offense. The downside is that they’ll be placing an untested commodity under center in Austin in front of 100,000 Longhorn fans and hundreds more watching on the Longhorn Network.

The brightest light returning on offense is WR Austin Franklin (74 catches, 1245 yards, 16.8 yards per catch, 9 TDs) whose production and excellence stood out like a cut diamond in a colossal elephant turd of a season. Similarly, senior RB Germi Morrison (767 yards rushing, 4.8 per carry) appears competent.

The Offensive Line largely returns, but it’s not clear whether that’s actually good news. They allowed 42 sacks last year. Depth is a glaring problem everywhere.

NMSU will attack Texas in the only sensible way it can – with quick throws, rolling pockets, various forms of option to exploit defensive indiscipline, and an attempt at clock and ball management. Though Diaz’s assignments against the option gave me pause last year, even pre-Hicks injury against severely outmanned offenses, it’s hard to imagine NMSU experiencing sustained success on offense.

Defense

Surprisingly senior laden, New Mexico State returns plenty of experience, if not excellence. They’re going to a 3-4 defense – another smart long term move meant to address their deficits, find pressure and penetration with scheme rather than talent, and to recruit talented contrarian personnel who don’t fit into more common schemes. The high school and JUCO ranks are filled with smart, one-step-too-slow LBs (perfect 3-4 ILBs), weight room allergic beanpoles (future rush LBs) and stubby, big-assed DL that marquee programs pass over for standing three inches too short.

All of them need patience and time, though. Something NMSU doesn’t have in 2013.

In the meanwhile, they fill the breach with a large influx of potential talent, mostly on the front 7, in major college transfers from Michigan State, New Mexico, UCLA, Washington and Arizona. Though they will raise talent levels – several of these guys were high school three and four stars – the problem with transfers is that they’re usually transferring because they weren’t good enough to play at a major FBS school, or because they were kicked out or weeded out for a variety of offenses, usually having to do with immaturity or lack of effort. Generally, these aren’t the guys you want running the locker room on a psychologically fragile team.

That written, if the transfer bet pays off, NMSU has a chance to improve a moribund defense.

The secondary is another story. NMSU just doesn’t run very well and a lack of pass rushing allowed opposing QBs to throw for 28 TDs while the Aggies intercepted only 4. That 28:4 ratio won’t get it done and it fueled a 150.7 opponent passer efficiency rating, at 8.0 yards per attempt, with 61% completions. Opponents went deep often: NMSU allowed 31 pass completions of 25+ yards.

That is not good.

Special teams

Bill Connelly offers that they can’t get worse. So. There’s that.

Again, it’s a stretch here to turn the NMSU special teams unit into a positive, especially considering it must replace its main bright spot, kick returner Akeelie Mustafa. NMSU derived less of an advantage from special teams than any FBS team, with the worst place-kicking and punt returning in the country. But hey, you can’t get worse than the worst. Decent punter Cayle Chapman-Brown returns, and any conceivable improvement from this unit would be welcomed.

Let’s move on after that ringing endorsement.

Prognosis

New Mexico State needs wide, overarching improvements across the board and the time to implement them. They should be the worst team on this year’s schedule. A successful 2013 for them would feature a 3-9 or 4-8 record, which would mean wins over teams like UTEP, Idaho, Florida Atlantic, and Abilene Christian. This will be less a game than a modified scrimmage meant to ease the Longhorns into the season before legitimate non-conference opponents in BYU and Ole Miss. The goal here is to gain confidence, build comfort, show a killer instinct, and get valuable reps for our 2nd and 3rd team.

A great article from the Times-Picayune’s Mike Triplett about Kenny Vaccaro earning his spot atop the Saint draft board, and winning over the Saint’s scouts and coaching staff, despite the doubts imposed by last year’s shoddy team defensive performance.

Of course, they might have just read Nickel’s piece back in December on Barking Carnival, sent him an honorarium, and saved themselves the air fare. They did their due diligence and came to a lot of the same conclusions.

By the time the Saints actually drafted Vaccaro with the 15th overall pick in last month’s NFL draft, they had official reports from seven different sources in their file on him – from Reiprish, Baugh and Lucas, from the National Football Scouting service that the Saints and 20 other NFL teams use, from secondary coach Wesley McGriff, from assistant secondary coach Andre Curtis and from defensive coordinator Rob Ryan – plus the opinions of Loomis and Payton, among others.

Beyond his play on the field, Vaccaro was put over the top by other, more qualitative aspects. Specifically, related to his approach to the game, his own ability to scout and assess (i.e. think like a coach), and his work ethic. None of those things would have put him over the top without the supporting film and plays on the field, but the Saints also know that they’re the best predictors of a long and productive NFL career.

Approach:

“He has a demeanor, just a seriousness, a different kind of demeanor,” Pace said. “As soon as he walks into that room, you kind of feel it. … You’ll see it when you deal with him (in the media).”

Yep. That sounds like Kenny.

Understanding:

“I remember Josh telling me one of the things that stood out with Vaccaro that night was how well he knew personnel,” Pace said. “He reviewed every single player in the draft, their strengths and weaknesses, which was impressive to know. His competition, the guys he played against, what exactly they did good or bad. It was like a scout talking.”

Work ethic:

The Saints were further impressed the next day to learn that Vaccaro woke up early and made sure to squeeze in a workout before heading out to the practice facility. “That stands out,” Pace said. “Because some guys don’t do that. That takes discipline.

Saint’s management has a great deal riding on this pick, mostly because a local SEC player coveted by Saint fans – Georgia OLB Jarvis Jones – who might have injected life into an anemic New Orleans pass rush, was still available when they took Vaccaro. The Saint organization’s explanation for Vaccaro > Jones caught my eye, because it’s something we wrote about at length in-season in 2012.

What makes the Vaccaro-Jones debate so fascinating is the difference between their college statistics.

Jones led the country with 14½ sacks and seven forced fumbles last year. On the flip side, Vaccaro had just two interceptions last year and five for his career. Also, Georgia had one of the top defenses in the country, while Texas had one of the worst.

But Reiprish said you have to dig beyond the numbers to fairly evaluate a player.

“There’s a lot of times Jarvis Jones was put in a position to make the play, whereas Vaccaro was put in a position that didn’t necessarily allow him to make the play,” Reiprish said.

That’s open to interpretation – he could be commenting on broader scheme or specific utilization – but when your defense has holes, one feeds the other. Certainly when Kenny Vaccaro is lined up in man coverage in the slot, he’s not available to do much more than shut down his man (and he did – demonstrating unique skills in a 218 pound safety), but he can’t impact the larger passing or running game. Or do traditional safety things. So the larger question is: why insist on using your most gifted, physical, and instinctive defender in such a narrow defined role that an opposing offense can easily avoid?

Similarly, Georgia did a lot within the structure of their 3-4 defense, often by simple alignment, to assure Jarvis Jones of pass rushing match-ups against running backs and several free runs into the backfield per game. In fact, one of the surprises of the combine was Jones testing out modestly – people had assumed he was a Lawrence Taylor-like Superman.

Of course, Nickel Rover offered this same note last December:

Manny Diaz made a variety of mistakes this season, but I think his plan’s for Kenny Vaccaro’s role on the team was one that hasn’t drawn enough attention. For all the skills he was taught and the roles he was asked to play, Akina and Diaz seemed to view him as an eraser of individual facets of an offense and over-prized his coverage skills. The ability to play good coverage on a slot receiver is a valuable skill, but it doesn’t come up if the other team doesn’t even throw 20 passes in the game.

The individualistic view of the players on our team by our coaching staff manifested in a defense that had NFL talents all over the field but sucked as a unit. Sometimes an individual’s skills and talents have to be shelved in order to serve the needs of the team. Texas managed to parlay one of the most talented secondaries in the country into a terrible unit in a pass happy league. A player like Vaccaro cannot be used as a lockdown coverage player when the team can’t stop the run, it’s simply bad resource allocation.

Fortunately for Vaccaro, the Saints came to a similar understanding. Vaccaro can do anything he’s asked to do and he’ll do it really well. He can’t help how he’s allocated.

As for the Texas defense, it’s a cautionary tale – as we pore over depth charts and debate how “good” each player is – that a successful 2013 on defense will be determined less by a bunch of talented individuals running around and more by their logical coherence working together in a bigger, properly resourced structure.

Scipio’s insightful reverie into his childhood experience with the Harlem Globetrotters sent me back in time as well.

As I mentioned in his post, my childhood experience with the Globetrotters was in the Old Palmer Auditorium here in Austin.

My interest piqued, I did a little research and discovered that the Globetrotters are coming back to Austin — but not to the Erwin Center. They will be in town for a week holding youth basketball camps at various sites and a former Longhorn will be here with them.

Jimmy Blacklock was named the Globetrotters coach in 2011. Blacklock had joined the Globetrotters as a player after his career at Texas and has been identified with the organization ever since. And while it’s been 40 years since he wore the orange & white uniform, his legacy is still a part of Texas Basketball.

Last fall I wrote about Darrell Royal’s relationship with Julius Whittier and how they helped change the face of UT football. The process in basketball was basically along the same timeline.

Leon Black is a Longhorn through and through. A three-year letterman at Texas, Black became an assistant coach under Harold Bradley in 1965. When he took over the program in 1968 he was fully aware that he needed to tap into the as-yet untouched pipeline of African-American players.

Black, from deep East Texas, had played on a racially mixed team in the military, so race was a non-factor for him.

During Black’s first year as head coach, Sam Bradley came to Texas as a track athlete, but was given a combo scholarship to also play basketball. In 1970 Bradley became first black to letter in basketball at Texas.

Coach Black appreciated Bradley, but he needed a true impact player to make real headway on the recruiting trail.

Jimmy Blacklock had been a star at Houston Wheatley HS, and started out at Tyler Junior College. Black had been coach at Lon Morris Junior College, and worked hard at getting Blacklock to come to Texas. When he signed on the dotted line it was big news.

Quiet, even-tempered and dedicated to the game, Blacklock was perfect for his historical role. He quickly established himself as a starter and finished his junior season as the leading scorer for the 1971 squad, averaging 17 points a game.

Never mind his numbers, Blacklock proved his true value when, through a vote of the players, he became the first black athlete to be a team captain on any UT team.

1972 – A Season of What Could Have Been

When Leon Black convinced Blacklock to come to Texas, he also struck gold with a couple of freshmen. Two players coming up from the shorthorn squad in 1972 had an immediate impact, with one becoming the first African-American athlete to be a true star at Texas.

Larry Robinson, a 6-6 beanpole was so pigeon toed you wondered how he didn’t stumble over his own feet. Out of Hobbs, New Mexico, Robinson didn’t start in high school until he was a junior. Hobbs was a powerhouse back then and Robinson quickly became a force on the team. Kansas State was recruiting a teammate of Robinson’s and they offered him as well.

So how did he end up at Texas? Coach Black just concentrated on Robinson and convinced him that the education he would get in Austin was worth it. Robinson’s parents has always stressed education and he later admitted that the competition was so strong at his high school (10 players played quality minutes every game) that he wasn’t all that convinced of his ability until he got to college.

All Robinson did his freshman year was average 34 points and 17 rebounds a game. The point guard on that team, Harry Larrabee, would shake the varsity up as well. Larrabee, 5-10 from Shelbyville, Ind, looked like the Pillsbury doughboy but played like an assassin.

B.G. Brosterhous was a skinny 6-11 center from Oregon. Lynn Howden had been a star in high school in Houston, signed with LSU, and then transferred back to Texas. Scooter Lenox was the off-guard who thought passing was illegal, while Eric Groscurth and Jack Louis provided quality forward depth.

What should have been a stellar senior season for Blacklock faded away early in conference play. Still the starter, he had split time with Larrabee in non-conference games, but turnovers plagued him when conference began. Leon Black was convinced it was the other SWC coaches who helped fuel the calls.

Black believed that other coaches complained early and often that Blacklock was getting away with traveling, that he was quickly moving before starting to dribble. After a couple of games into SWC play, Black decided to start Larrabee. The turnovers went down, and the wins piled up.

Blacklock could have taken it personally, sulked and poisoned the locker room. He never said a public word about the benching and became a quality sub, averaging 7 points a game.

With the new lineup, Texas tied SMU for the SWC championship. That meant a one-game playoff for the NCAA berth.

Texas won a 91-89 overtime thriller, with Robinson, the conference MVP, putting up 30 points and 12 rebounds.

The game was played in Waco at the barn laughingly referred to as the Heart of Texas Coliseum. They had just installed a tartan floor, and after the game Robinson was discovered to have a hairline fracture his foot.

Texas was sent to Las Cruces, NM to play the University of Houston. They weren’t Phi Slamma Jamma, but they were damn good. Guy Lewis had the Double D’s – Dwight Davis and Dwight Jones, power forwards who were lethal parts to a full court press. The Cougars, 20-6, jumped out to a quick lead after getting Texas to turn the ball over several times.

Coach Black then took one of the best timeouts of his coaching career. He decided to simplify matters by getting the ball to Larrabee and have everyone else get the hell out of the way. Larrabee so frustrated the man press that Houston began to make mistakes and Texas stunned the Cougars 85-74.

Robinson played 35 minutes on the broken foot, scoring 23 points and pulling down 14 rebounds.

Robinson had plenty of company in the whirlpool after the game. B.G. Brosterhous (shoulder), Lynn Howden (ankle), Scooter Lenox (ankle), were all banged up going into the Midwest Regional.

Texas joined Louisville, Kansas State and Southwestern Louisiana in Ames, Iowa.

Sports Illustrated’s Curry Kirkpatrick wrote in his preview that the Midwest Regional “is the battle of the four C’s – the Cards, Cats, Cajuns – and Cripples.”

Any chance that Texas had was left in the training room. Coach Black resorted to a zone defense, which he abhorred, in order to play Howden and Robinson for any length of time. The Wildcats, with Lon Kruger at the point, finally pulled away in the last 4 minutes for a 66-55 win.

Leon Black would coach another 4 years before resigning and moving to an administration position in the department.

Robinson would again be the conference MVP in 1974 and Texas would again make the NCAA’s. He ended his college career with an average of 21.5 points per game, and scored 30 or more points 12 times. Robinson was inducted into the Longhorn Hall of Honor in 1989.

Drafted by Boston, he was among the last cuts, and they shipped him off to Europe. Robinson found a home in Sweden, where he was a star for 10 years, averaging 35 points a game one season. He then had a long, successful stint as an executive for Converse in Europe.

Blacklock played for the Globetrotters for 13 years, traveling to 62 countries and playing in over 2,500 games and obviously has remained involved with the team over the decades.

Despite the disappointment of the end of the 1972 season Jimmy Blacklock’s career at Texas was a success. He and Larry Robinson helped paved the way for the full integration of the University of Texas Athletics program.

I hope Jimmy gets some time while here to walk around Gregory Gym and that memories it generates for him are good ones.

I can’t remember most of my freshman year of college, but I can still remember when the Harlem Globetrotters came to Austin, Texas when I was seven years old.

They were a phenomenon that my young brain couldn’t initially process. Were the Globetrotters playing the Texas Longhorns? Was Harlem in the Big East? Is that Red, White, & Blue ball even regulation? Who are the Generals? I’m pretty sure that was traveling…

The first few chords of Sweet Georgia Brown and the Globetrotter lay-up line offered clarity. This was a mummer’s show, with bits and premises straight from 1920s vaudeville, the chitlin’ circuit, and the Catskills. But for me, it was high comedic art. No matter how hackneyed, a lot of it still makes me laugh today. It was my first introduction to clowning and it was clear to me who the joke was on. And it wasn’t on the charismatic Globetrotters.

Geese Ausbie was basically a hoops version of Bugs Bunny. He stopped the action on several occasions to comment on game play – typically the fatness of the referee, who looked remarkably like the building supervisor Bookman on Good Times. Bookman would blow his whistle at Geese and chase him, whereupon the 6-9 Ausbie would hide successfully behind a small water cooler, a towel, or underneath a giggling spectator. Eventually bored, Geese would challenge various Generals to fights, then run away with high pitched screams when they responded, put on glasses lifted from someone in the crowd (you can’t hit someone wearing glasses! It’s a rule!), and then pelt his enemies with shoes stolen from the most uptight looking white people he could find. If they complained, he threatened to kiss them.

The Globetrotters commented on the general lack of soul of various General players, usually after pulling down their shorts at the free throw line. After the third time, you’d think they would have expected it. But not the Generals! Urged by the PA announcer, we even tried unsuccessfully to warn them when a Globetrotter would begin an exaggerated sneak beginning at half court, but the target – usually resembling a floppy-haired young Mark Hamill – would just look straight ahead, quizzically. When he’d finally wheel to see what was happening behind him, the offending Globetrotter would sit on a kneeling teammate and pretend to leaf through an imaginary newspaper. Good stuff!

Another Globetrotter drilled 4 out of 6 half court shots – I believe it was Curly Neal. Neal also had a legendary handle that put Chris Paul to shame. The last of his half court swishes was performed underhanded and backwards, the world’s greatest H-O-R-S-E shot. The whole arena let out a mass “Oooooohhh.” Then, walking away, Neal responded by throwing a backwards Alley-Oop sixty feet to the opposite basket which was viciously dunked by another Globetrotter. 16,000 people in the Frank Erwin Center simultaneously shit themselves.

During another break in the action – the Generals were getting drilled, by the way – terrible defense, awful court awareness, why didn’t they go to a 2-3 zone to stop penetration? – and after the Globetrotters fooled another hapless General with their famous ball handling weave, they selected various toddlers to come out to mid-court and dance along with them to Kool & The Gang. They returned all of the toddlers to the wrong parents – switching a ribbon-decked white girl to a black mother and delivering a pig-tailed black girl to a blonde white lady. Confusion ensued. Geese berated his fellow Globetrotters for their error, but the other Globetrotters responded that these kids all looked the same to them. Message, y’all!

I left the arena high as a kite, now fully bought into the Globetrotters, and made it my avowed mission to see them on every episode of Gilligan’s Island, The Love Boat, Wide World of Sports (Jim McKay’s narrations of the action are particularly pleasing in retrospect – “Oh boy, Goose Ausbie giving that official what for! Now he has the water bucket. Look out, Topeka!) and their Saturday morning cartoon, in which the Globetrotters were secret superheroes who transformed by climbing into lockers kept in Sweet Lou Dunbar’s afro.

Yeah, heavy drug use among Hanna Barbera animators was rampant. It was the late ’70s. It was fine.

As a youth, the Globetrotters taught me about the universality of Man, the leveling power of comedy, the folly of racism, and that tall black men are particularly deft at switching out confetti for water buckets.

What you got, Xbox?