Texas Pregamer: Texas Tech

Posted by    |    November 22nd, 2017 at 1:06 am

Six. Wins.

Perhaps Ryan Kingsbury and his dulcet tones sang it best, “Is this the start of something wonderful and new? Or one more dream that I cannot make true?” I never did catch the answer as I spent the rest of the movie dodging Emma Stone’s eyelashes and John Legend cameos, but I can’t help but extrapolate to our boys in Orange. It certainly feels like Jazz Texas is Back™. Or at least as long as Conner Williams feels like assaulting defensive linemen anyway.

Last week we descended on Morgantown like Stranger Things heartthrob Dustin on that sweet nougat (street name the tres musket fluff fluff). Now we get the Pantone 485-C Raiders in Austin. Tech will have their hands full with our Thorpe finalist, our Ray Guy finalist, and our Broyles finalist (I don’t care what the list says, those are #notmybroyles). Arriving with Texas Tech is their #18 offense and 106th ranked defense, a veritable Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde-Your-Face-In-Shame. Kingsbury will need to lock himself away in the lab if he’s to concoct the formula for job security. It’s all too easy to be distracted from game planning when Chad Morris is measuring your office for drapes. No, Chad Morris is not going to A&M, Jimbo Fisher and Nick Saban are mud wrestling for that one. You know you’d watch.

We made it! Three paragraphs before a single bowling reference. Time to air out the plumbers crack, knock down some pins and bowl our hearts out. With Thanksgiving upon us, it’s only appropriate that we win our second in a row en route to a hopeful Turkey to end the year. You know who bowls? Jesus bowls. You know who else bowls? Texas bowls.

Hook ‘em!


BETTER KNOW A ROSTER:

Colt Garrett (QB, FR), Quan Shorts (WR, SO), and T.J. Vasher (WR, FR) – Look Kliff, we can totally understand why you cloning some prior longhorns for your team, but could you be more subtle about it? That QB homunculus is wearing #12 for crying out loud. Looking forward to next year’s recruiting class of Acho Ross, Vince Shipley, and, of course, lockdown corner Griffin Griffin.

Mychealon Thomas (DL, SR) – Usually a three Mychealon star would set you back two to three hundred dollars a plate, so tickets for Friday are quite the bargain.

Tre King (RB, JR) – If this name doesn’t get you an open invite to Houston Rockets tryouts, I don’t know what will.

Kolin Hill (DL, JR) – Collin? Cooling? Coal In? Colon. Geez. Figures he’d be from Shertz, Tx.

Peyton Steele (OL, FR) – Ron Jeremy wishes his alias was that good.

D.J. Polite-Bray (DB, SR) – An all-time name that’s provided four years of fun for us at the Pregamer. Happy senior year, you courteous mixmaster.

Justus Parker (DB, SO) – He was a mild mannered meterman keeping the streets safe before losing his spot to a double parked BMW. Now he stalks the roads of Lubbock looking for vindication. This summer on AMC – Justus Parker is JUSTUS PARKER: PARKING JUSTICE.

Keke Coutee (WR, JR) – Lead saxophoner (saxophonist? saxophoneer? saxxer?) for Edgar Winter.

Dwayne Johnson Jr. (OL, SR) – A name so amazing, they had to hide it at Nebraska for 3 years before transferring into Pregamer territory. The jokes are plentiful here, but we’d like to do a little serious journalism investigation: Could this Dawayne Johnson Jr. be that Dwayne Johnson’s junior? Consider this: Dwayne “The Pebble” Jr. was born March 11, 1997 – presumably in his hometown of Ballaire, TX. Where was “The Rock” July of 1996? As we all totally know, Dwayne spent the summer of ‘96 in Memphis under the wrestling alias Flex Kavana winning two USWA World Tag Team Championships with Bart Sawyer. It would be the last time he wrestled before signing a deal with the WWF. The distance to Bellaire from Memphis? A mere 579 miles. Coincidence? You decide.

FORECAST:

TejasChaos: What a difference one player can make. This week is all about giving thanks so I’m gonna enjoy two more games of #55 manhandling every poor defensive lineman foolish enough to test him. Texas clinches a winning season.

VY Pump Fake: If you asked me would you rather get a 7th win or have Dickson win the Ray Guy, I’m honestly not sure what I’d say. Prepare yourselves, fake punt Dickson bomb for a TD. The wonder down under thunder will plunder.

Kyle Carpenter is drinking some of that crisp Santana champagne this week. But we’d like to think his all time favorite Tech Gif can play understudy:


Happy Thanksgiving everybody. See y’all in BOWL SEASON!