Texas Pregamer: Oklahoma State

Posted by    |    October 20th, 2017 at 1:40 am

What a week for the good guys, huh? After seeing the USMNT get knocked out of the World Cup by a tiny, insignificant, less-resourced team called Trinidad & Tobago, the Horns were knocked out of the Big-12’s top spot by a smaller, culturally insignificant, less-resourced team called Brotherdad & Tobacco.

But look at this! A chance at instant redemption coming down the turnpike. Is that the shittier, white-trashier little brother of the “state” of Oklahoma’s music I hear? Yes, yes it is REO Speedwagon playing on the team bus/converted Pontiac Firebird Trans-Am that Mike Gundy shuttles the Cowpokes in. What’s that – sounds a little Aggyish to you? Well you would be correct. Oklahoma State may have shed the A&M moniker back in 1957 but the Fightin’ Okie Aggie spirit is alive and well. Oklahoma State is so Aggie that they claimed a National Title (their only one) in 2016… for the 1945 season… in which they finished the season ranked #5 in the AP poll, behind Army, Alabama, Navy, and Indiana. #thatssoaggie

Speaking of overrated SEC teams, if we learned anything from LSU vs. Troy, it’s that the plucky upstart can beat the historical powerhouse team with 74 wins to their name since 2010 (that’d be a three-way tie for 9th between LSU, Oklahoma State, and Northern Illinois – Texas / Troy, not pictured). And Texas doesn’t even have to do it at night in Death Valley. No, Texas gets to take on that vulgar shade of prison orange at the churchly hour of 11 am. Which is too early, for even Mike Gundy to take his shirt off.

One of these is an atypical body shape for Stillwater, Oklahoma

Trust in Sam and Hook ‘Em

By The Numbers

  • OSU has won the last 4 consecutive matchups in Austin
  • UT started the series winning 22 of the first 24 matchups, but OSU has taken 5 of the last 7 overall
  • The 1st time we faced off was in 1916 was at a neutral site in San Antonio
  • Oklahoma State has never been ranked #1 in the AP poll (despite claiming that title)
  • 75% of the OSU squad is from out of state
  • The Pokes roster collectively weighs nearly 14 tons
  • Texas gets the rare fortune of playing the #1 ranked offense in consecutive weeks
  • Post-Maryland, Texas defense is averaging 4 points per quarter (counting overtimes), 87.4 rush yards per game.
  • Sam Ehlinger is Pro Football Focus’ #7 graded Freshman, and #1 Freshman QB of 2017.

Arkansas Waterfalls for #Errbody

I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, and you probably haven’t because it flies pretty much under the radar, but Oklahoma State’s grown man (he’s now 50!) coach has a fine follicle foundation; think Captain Planet-meets McGyver-meets Solid Snake in the flashback scenes.

He goes with the Arkansas Waterfall, but we have a few other noms-for-plumes:

The Missouri compromise. Bi – Level. El-camino. Kentucky Beaver Paddle. Carburetor coiff. The Davy Frockett. Oklahoma Neckwarmer. MAGA Mudflap. El Ranchero. Hockey helmet. Achy-breaky-Exterior Drapery. Camero Cut.Tennessee tophat. The S-E-C Diploma.

And he really shouldn’t hoard all that Road House goodness to himself…

Gundy’s Mullet on Mascot Dog

Gundy’s Mullet taking Saban to his #CleanCoal roots

Gundy’s Mullet on Coach Art Briles

Gundy’s Mullet gone Super Saiyan

Better Know a Roster

Amen Ogbongbemiga (LB, Fr) – Can you imagine the rage when mom forces her “Undergraduate Studies” son, fresh from his first semester on the 40 Acres to pray “because that’s the way you were raised and that’s what we do in this house” only to have him hit a Crash Bandicoot sound effect to close?

Keondre Wudtee (QB, Fr) – Yup, in my Wudtee.

Madre Harper (CB, So) – In middle-school Spanish when you’re trying to work out the curse words but la profesora walks by.

Calvin Bundage (LB, So) – Heavy into the Oklahoma S&M scene. Which is oddly led by Garth Brooks’ alter-ego Chris Gaines.

Chuba Hubbard (RB, Fr) – Poor linebackers who have to try to chase him down…guess they’d be…Chuba Chasers.

Javarus Barksdale-Blair (CB, Fr) – They never tell you the story of young Javarus who got out the Franklin Terrace and went Johns Hopkins.

Sam Walkingstick (LS, So) – Ok, we get it guys. You both were told you’d never procreate and then you met on OneForumToRuleThemAll. You don’t have to burden your poor son with obscure LOTR-reference names.

Matt Kegel (OL, Fr) – Exercise Warrior, a real gym rat.

LC Greenwood (WR, Fr) – I’m actually all the way in on heavy synth Soundsystem beats over “Proud to be an American.”

Gunner Hudson – This sounds like the first names of a two-headed Southlake Carroll backfield. #Millenialsareruiningnames #Jace #Lynx

ARLINGTON Hambright (OL, Jr) – Incomparably inferior to his big brother Dallas Pancettabrilliant.

A Punter’s Chance

Ray Guy Candidate Michael Dickson currently leads the NCAA in Net average per punt and is 0.2 (48.3 ypp) behind the leader in gross average. Those are legitimately good stats as he tries to break Utah’s three-year stranglehold (3 years, 2 different punters) over the award.

And while I only 20% jokingly call him the best player on the Texas team, he is most likely only aiming for an award that specifically focuses on punting criterion.

OSU’s punter Zach Sinor, however…dreams bigger. After sharing one of the 10 spots on 2016’s Ray Guy semifinalist list, he launched Sinor4Heisman.com, which should at least get him a nod for a few Webby’s. Please take 5 minutes and read that site, watch the accompanying YouTube videos, and revel in people who take themselves the perfect amount of seriously.


VY Pump Fake: Now that Texas is 3-1-0-2 (W-L-T-Moral Victories), we are just one near win against a Top 10 squad from being Moral Bowl Eligible! Texas wins by a Sam Ehlinger pile push.

Kyle Carpenter: Remember when we were willing to go to court over who called our offensive plays? Miss you Big Wick, wish Tim Beck had your grasp of the pass game. Texas by a VY Ehlinger Pump Fake.

Parting Shot

Rattlesnake hunt in Okeene, OK with Todd and Wild Bill. pic.twitter.com/0SqWb9LxFk

— Mike Gundy (@CoachGundy) March 17, 2017

Coach Gundy is really taking this “You have a mullet like Metal Gear’s Solid SNAKE” thing a bit too literally.

Notes from the Texas Tip-Off Scrimmage

Posted by    |    October 18th, 2017 at 11:06 pm

The Texas Longhorns hosted their annual open scrimmage for fans at Gregory Gym tonight, having fun competitions (dunk – Kerwin Roach II won, 3-point – Eric Davis Jr won, dance…yes, dance – a fan beat Andrew Jones in the finals) before playing a 24-minute scrimmage. If you’re like most Longhorns fans, you didn’t go; Gregory Gym was maybe 23 full, for a free event, on a Wednesday night. Malik Jefferson showed up, but he could’ve brought the rest of the football team and they would’ve had plenty of room in the upper deck to spread out. This shouldn’t surprise or annoy me at this point, but the fact that you could fill up Gregory with students for Taco Tuesday and not Texas basketball makes my eyes narrow and eyebrows furrow at the professed Burnt Orange faithful. Ah well, I’m sure they’ll sell out The Drum for Northwestern State, right? I watched the scrimmage on my DVR thanks to spending the night trying to resurrect my Nexus 5x after it shit itself this morning, but here are some of the things I saw.

Mo Bamba put up 17 & 11 and didn’t really look like he was working; this was in a 24-minute scrimmage against dudes who have been guarding him for months. What’s impressive about him — other than him blocking shots most humans are incapable of reaching — is that they didn’t have to run a ton of plays for him to generate offense. He made a three, threw down some dunks, and grabbed rebounds no matter who was guarding him. Bamba is going to be fun to watch.

Eric Davis looks like he’s ready to take on his role as a 6th man. He stroked the ball with a confidence he lacked last season, and if he can produce instant offense from the perimeter this year he’ll be a valuable piece for Shaka Smart and company. His non-shooting decisions with the ball in his hands were questionable, but that won’t likely be a big part of his role if the squad remains healthy.

Andrew Jones’ shot looks quicker than last year, which is good if he can make threes at a reasonable rate.

Matt Coleman pushes the ball down the court well. This doesn’t sound like a big deal, at least until the PTSD flashbacks from last season kick in again.

Jericho Sims has a ton of athleticism but is still suuuuuuper raw. He gets burned on defense regularly and will likely struggle against teams with a decent scouting report. He has a lot of potential, but he may not effectively tap into it until next year or the year after.

Dylan Osetkowski was good despite dealing with a right wrist injury. Maybe my favorite moment of the night was seeing the look on his face when Bamba blocked his shot, pinning it against the backboard, you could see Dylan just sort of accept his fate even before he landed back on the ground. I’m going to guess that is not the first time this has happened to him playing against Mo.

Eli Long made his only Texas appearance of the season this year as he’s redshirting this season. He’s definitely confident with the ball in his hands, and should at the very least be a good secondary ball-handler next year.

Roach dunked over his mom and it made Sportscenter.

If you’re dunking over your mom, you better make it. #SCtop10 pic.twitter.com/3P6rWPXDtE

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) October 19, 2017

She told me if I messed up her hair on tv I would be grounded for a month https://t.co/bBrbeQ2gf0

— Kerwin Roach II (@KLR_doce) October 19, 2017

Overall there were some positive developments, and some things we didn’t see tonight that we are likely to see more of in the regular season (hello, trapping press!). If you want to learn more about what this team is likely to do this year, Smart Texas Basketball 2017 comes out on Amazon & iTunes on Monday. The list price is $4.99, but for our loyal Barking Carnival readers we have a special one-time price of $4.99.