Are You Hiding Things From Your Spouse?

Posted by    |    May 13th, 2011 at 5:40 am

Keeping things or hiding things from your spouse is a sign of problems in a marriage. A healthy marriage is one that is built on total openness and honesty. When it comes to secrets in marriage, there should be none.

Here’s a test with some tough questions:

  • Do you hide purchases of things you bought from your spouse? (… you shouldn’t)
  • Do you allow your spouse to read your email messages? (… you should if they asked to)
  • Do you share your passwords to email addresses or facebook accounts with your spouse? (… you should)
  • Would you allow your spouse to read your text messages on your cell phone if she asked? (… you should)
  • Do you hide friendships with people of the opposite sex from your spouse? (… you shouldn’t)
  • Do you immediately delete all your messages you get by email, text and facebook?

I know that for some those are really tough questions. You may not like to hear this, but if you are constantly hiding things from your spouse, my first questions for you would be, “Why?” and “What are you hiding?” When I counsel with couples, and one spouse is hiding things (generally text messages) from their spouse, it sends off all kinds of red flags in my head.

So does my wife read every email, text message or facebook message I get? No, but she’s welcome to read them anytime she wants. I hide nothing from her, and I find accountability in the fact that she knows every password to my email and facebook accounts.

Most affairs begin as a friendship that develops into something more than it was intended to be. One of the first signs that your friendship has become more than a friendship is when you begin to hide things about that relationship from your spouse. When it comes to friendships with the opposite sex, abide by these three rules…

  • Always keep it just a friendship.
  • Make sure your spouse has no problems or issues with it.
  • Never keep a secret or hide anything about this friendship from your spouse.

A healthy marriage is a marriage that doesn’t hide things from one another. Honest is the main foundations of having a great marriage.