Chuck Norris, Men and Man-Laws

Posted by    |    April 13th, 2011 at 5:40 am

There’s nothing like a good “Man Post,” to start the week off and get the testosterone flowing.

A few of us guys were visiting about man-laws after church recently and the importance of teaching them to our sons. For those women who might not know, man-law is an unwritten code which men live by. I’m not a man-law expert, but I do think I know a man-law when I see one. For example here are a few man-laws that real-men live by that might not make sense to women, but totally make sense to us …

  • Man-law says that on a road trip the most manly-man is the one with the strongest bladder.
  • Man-law says that no man shall EVER wear an article of women’s clothing unless they are the loser of a bet.
  • Man-law states that grilling, no matter the weather, is always the first choice of cooking.
  • Man-law clearly states that under NO circumstance do two men EVER share an umbrella.
  • Man-law says that men can watch chick-flicks on occasion, BUT they are never to be watched without the presence of a girlfriend or wife. And they should NEVER be seen crying.
  • Man-law has many rules of the public restrooms. First and foremost, men must follow the “buffer-zone” rule. That means where there are more than two urinals, there must always be one urinal of separation between you and the next man. You NEVER sidle-up to another man when there’s an empty urinal down the line. If you need help with this rule, here is a game you can play to teach you. This law is null-and-void when there are dividers between the urinals.
  • Another public restroom man-law is if you are first in the bathroom and there are only three urinals, you must not take the middle urinal because it would be impossible to follow the “buffer zone” rule if another man enters the bathroom. If you happen to encounter this simply clear your throat and say, “Dude!” Generally a man will realize their error and move down one, obeying the law of the urinal “buffer zone.”
  • One final restroom man-law is that being chatty in the bathroom is inappropriate, a simple head-nod is all the conversation that is needed.
  • Man-law states crying is okay when your team has just won the big game or a heroic dog dies saving his master from death.
  • There is NO reason for a man to EVER watch ice skating or men’s gymnastics. Man-law!
  • Man-law states that while walking with a group to the car, a soon-to-be occupant may reserve the front passenger seat by calling out “Shotgun.” All passengers must honor and respect the calling of shotgun. On those occasions where there is a tie while calling shotgun, a race to the car decides who gets the front.
  • Men can comment on how much they enjoy manly smells of things like a baseball glove, a new set of tires, the smell of gunpowder, campfire, sawdust and bar-b-que grills.
  • Man-law clearly states that no man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! (That’s for you Matt.)
  • A man is allowed to scream ONLY when he is caught off guard and bitten by a large deadly snake.
  • The man-law official start date of the male shopping season is December 23rd, as compared to the female season, which opens on the day following Thanksgiving.
  • And under NO circumstances shall a man EVER defer control of the television remote to a female.

As much as I love man-laws, I must never forget that “God-laws” always trump all “man-laws.” And men who follow God-laws, such as the following, are ALWAYS the most manly-men of all …

  • A real man loves his wife and is faithful to her sexually, emotionally and mentally.
  • A real man prays with his wife.
  • A real man is involved in his children’s lives.
  • A real man puts his family before his job, hobbies and buddies.
  • A real man is the spiritual leader in his home.
  • A real man isn’t ashamed of his faith and puts God first in his life.
Can you think of any I’ve missed from either of these two lists?