When To Make Like Jay-Z and Move On To the Next One

Posted by    |    September 24th, 2010 at 7:48 am

Disclaimer: Guys-I heart you all. I want to spare you embarrassment. However, I’m dishing out a little tough love for you so brace yourselves.

Don’t be This Guy-Part One

When a girl says, “You should probably go find your friend.” You should probably go find your friend. No, don’t come back with your friend. She doesn’t want to talk to him either.

If a girl is on her phone texting while you try to make a move, do not stand there and wait for her to finish. She has her face in the phone so you will stop attempting to suck face with her. It’s nicer than taking her stiletto and jabbing it into your, uh, foot. Now, would be the time to go find that friend of yours.

If you are holding an AARP card, please stop cupping my rear. There is a certain girl that is right for you here, and she takes cash. Go find her now. In addition, please stop patronizing bars where the median age is 34. It’s smarmy. Particularly when you are too drunk to order your own beer or keep your hands to yourself.

If you are touching my thigh while we are standing, stop! Eww! You are gross. There is a reason that I keep backing away from you, and no, it isn’t that I want to dance with you or have you continuously close the space in between us. Keep your hands to yourself! Didn’t grandpa teach you anything? What? You came with your grandfather? Lovely. I’ve already met him.

Guys, I know it seems harsh, but we are just as frustrated as you are! And trust me, women have a lot to learn about men as well. I know, approaching a woman can’t be easy, and once you succeed actually making contact, you want her to be as interested in you as you are in her. However, sometimes it just isn’t going to happen—actually most of the time. This totally sucks, I know. Worst part about being a dude, I bet.

And ladies, you are not off the hook, we can all do better out there!  I have some tough love coming via video blog for you soon!

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