Election night brought all sorts of surprises: while Republicans swept the major races, the biggest winner was booze, with beer & wine sales propositions passing in Dallas, Addison, University Park, Lancaster, and beyond. With an economy this rough, government should never stand between a man and his whiskey. Still, the biggest headline was in the Texas governor’s race, in a story that has been shockingly ignored by local media: the heroic third place finish by one Reid Slaughter.
I learned of my good fortune late this afternoon, when You+Dallas staffers returned from the polls and announced that they had written in my name for Texas Governor. I could certainly understand the decision: disenfranchised, hungry for new leadership, and anxious to receive a raise of any kind, these idealistic young journalists and filmmakers turned to the one they believe can lead our state to the Promised Land … or perhaps give them a better parking space. So, if Rick Perry [2,658,000 votes] or Bill White [1,977,000 votes] cannot serve for any reason (accidents happen!), then yours truly [4 votes, possibly 5 if the brown-nosing freelancer actually wrote me in] will move into the Governor’s Mansion, order one of those cool reclining massage chairs with a Lone Star seal on it, and govern us to prosperity. Applications for my cabinet of advisors begins now.